Television War Translator: A Guide
by our Media Analyst James Morris (Dancer)

1. "There is a growing, almost unbearable tension here because the
war hasn't started yet"

Translation: "I was REALLY hoping to have a big story by now."

2. "The shock & awe phase has not started yet ..."

Translation: "We promise it will get more exciting as advertised,
but stay tuned now for these messages"

3. "What you were watching then was, uhm... some fascinating background
material from our US affiliate"

Translation: "I don't know much about the history of this conflict,
and wouldn't have the slightest clue that we just aired some
feeble, mind-numbing propaganda intended for the US audience"

4. "We've heard reports from good sources that ..."

Translation: "We've got no idea what's going on, but here's something
we found on Google News a few minutes ago"

5. "We've heard reports from senior sources that ...'

Translation: "We've got no idea what's going on, but someone in The
Administration is looking for a favour"

6. "I've just spoken to a senior source who said, quote ... "

Translation: "I've got no idea what's going on, but here's some bona
fide misinformation"

7. "Here's a recap of the current situation"

Translation: "Nothing much exciting is happening right now"

8. "We're joined now by an expert on ... "

Translation: "Nothing much exciting is happening right now,
and we've found someone who has no idea what's going on to
explain why"

9. "We cross now to exclusive live footage from the war zone"

Translation: "This could be the money shot"

10. "Well, that was incredible!"

Translation: "We'll be playing it in a loop between ads for the next
18 hours: stay tuned in case it happens again"